seriously drunken

So, in the spirit of the title of this blog, I am drunk.

And I am sad. But that is just a small part of how I currently feel.

I just got home last night from a wonderful vacation. Pictures and stories to follow.

Tonight I went to Kickball practice. I didn't know that this was the same night that all of my law school friends (sans first year rooomie) was going to be sworn in as proper lawyers. That information made me die a little inside. Because I didn't pass the bar. Because I didn't have the energy, the stamina, the willpower. Because I just didn't want to study anymore. Because moving to Portland was the one thing in my life that finally made me free and happy. So sue me (hahahahahaha) if I take a couple of months more to take the f'n bar again and learn all that shit they need me to memorize to pass their little b*s* test so that I can join their little fraternity. Which I will do beyotches, somehow. First finding a job and being able to pay rent and trying once again to jump over that black abyss that has opened in front of me. . .

Life lesson: so it sucks. Do it right the first time so that you won't have to suffer again through the suck ass'ness of doing it again, instead of thumbing your nose at them --- they really don't care. One more time. I knew it would suck coming home to reality. Just like quitting smoking however, one has to face all the shit, to endure the pain is the greatest hurdle.

Friends that didn't go through law school took me out bowling tonight. I didn't want to go. I'm glad they drug me out, because they give a shit about me, regardless of whether I passed the bar.

And then I walked the dog. He pooped twice. He doesn't care either. And my cats are damn happy I'm home. (Boy left tonight for Boise...btw: he initially took it harder than me that I didn't pass, the residue however is on me).

So all is well, and I wonder most whether the moth that is freaking out at my window is happier if I leave the light on or turn it off. Any ideas, science poo heads?

I hate how we humans torture each other. What the fuck is the point?

P.S. props to Aubrey for the hugs at practice.

Tonight I cry. Tomorrow I pick myself up, dust myself off and start it all over again.
Erin Brokovich again....sticktoitiveness - that's all I have left.