Musings

Today, I’ve decided to vent my inability to focus by typing the nonsense that goes through my head onto the bottom of the outline that I am currently working on. The product lies before you (hyperlinks to be added later – btw, it is impossible to pantomime “hyperlinks” in a game of Cranium. Try it.):

Every day I try really hard to focus on learning a significant portion of a predetermined subject. I have discovered I only have the ability to do about ¼ of what I need to do. Why? I have no attention span. My ability to focus lasts about 15 minutes, and then, though I try to consciously battle it, I will find myself engaged in some other activity. And not because there are so many distractions. If I were in a completely white, circular room with only a table and my study materials, all I need for distraction is my own head. I can look at a page of administrative law and immediately lose eye focus. Now, I’m the type that reads every word that I see. I cannot help it. But put some admin. in front of my face and I’m stuck in my head, with blurry eyes, thinking about how dreamy Russ Feingold is (I got to listen to him grill Allito on the way to the post office today – now I don’t have to study absolute immunity, thanks Russ!).

Solution? I don’t know. I have no insurance, so no way to get evaluated and medicated. So, in an attempt to self-diagnose, I’m taking something called “Extreme Energy. ” It has vitamins (mostly Bs) in addition to the 100mgs of caffeine per pill. I thought it might work a bit better than NoDoz’s pure caffeine pills. And coffee or soda, yeah, that just makes me pee more, which makes me leave the work station more. Speaking of leaving the work station, I thought that the reason I never got anything done was the million cigarette breaks I used to take. Nope. Well, so far, there is no extreme energy, but at least I’m not falling asleep nearly as often. Should be an interesting month and a half.

Good news: First: I went running last night. I had looked at my Costa Rica pictures, and realized that a year and a half ago, I had very little fat on my body. Thus, no more excuses, I have to lose 20 pounds, or maybe 15.

Second: I sold almost all of my remainder text books, to add about $400 to my pocket. WHEW! Money’s makin me ill, but some good news makes me feel better and now there are fewer books to deal with. I'm a wiz at ebay selling these days.

Third: the best podcast is the Ricky Gervais show. Get it through iTunes, it is free and funny as hell.

Anyone with any other hints on good podcasts, let me know. Ok, back to my 15 minutes on. My new motivation tool will be running my stopwatch next to me. Whenever I work, I get to let it run. When I stop, to say, type this, I have to turn it off. That way, I see how much I actually accomplish. Beta phase. I may reverse the process, I’ll see which make me more scared about the wasted time.

Oh, and lawnmower man (he mows local lawns and tried to attack Steve once) has again gone off of his meds. He’s been knocking on our door incessantly while we run and hide upstairs with the gun to wait until he breaks in. Evidently he messed with the wife of the very large man across the street (knocking also on her door, she mistakenly opened it. I’m so glad I put in the peep hole). He went to the crazy man’s house and told him to stop knocking on people’s doors and that he has a gun. Sweet. Perhaps he’ll harass some other neighborhood. Steve wants to get him some help, but I just would rather stay outta this guy’s way entirely. Perhaps if he was nice when on the meds, but he’s still pretty creepy.

Tomorrow I have to go back to the fraggin dentist. I love him, but I really don’t think this visit is necessary. I called him last weekend because I was in so much pain that I was crying. The intense pain has subsided, but there is a constant and annoying dull pain as well as sharp pain whenever I eat. I’ve only one spot in my mouth that can be used to chew. But that’s normal after having three fillings, isn’t it? Poop, there’s more money down the drain. He better at least give me some pain meds, but I wanna play it down a bit considering I don’t want a root canal. OH lord, please no root canal.